DEALING WITH BULLYING

My daughter (4yrs old)always complains about a certain boy in her class,’he scratched me on my face’, the latest was yesterday, he pulled a strand of her braid (women we know how painful this feels) my response usually is ‘hope you reported him to your teacher?’

My husband didn’t take the hair pulling thing lightly, he plainly told her, if he tries to touch you again beat him. In my church mind I’m wondering, ‘is that not too harsh, encouraging her to fight kind of’.

I wanted to hear her thought about this Lil dude, i said to her, ‘if he tries to touch you, hold his hands, ok? she goes, ‘no.he’s big.i can’t ‘.

Her statement made me realise that so long as she keeps seeing him as big,he’l keep intimidating her.

I replied, ‘Yes, he’s big but he’s not strong’.

I told the teacher about it, from her words and expression I could sense she ‘don tire for the boy'(Lol)

When I went to school this afternoon to pick my daughter, my babe was running happily to me screaming to the hearing of everyone,  ‘mommy I beat Prince in the class today, he’s big but he’s not strong’.

This line is like a song on her lips right now oooh. Should I congratulate her? Or disparage the action?

#phasesofparenting

2 Thoughts to “please help, how should my Toddler handle bullying?”

  1. Bolatito Adigun Lawal

    It’s a huge one there, bullying it isn’t a case one should take so lightly, for both parties the bullied and the one being bullied. I believe the school should have counselors on ground to help such children, but as for our princess here being able to fight her bully will give her, her confidence back but my fear Is the table could turn whereby she now becomes the bully. Both kids should be made to learn to tolerate one another and they can become best of friends

  2. Suruurah Ogunfemi

    I like Bolanle’s contribution to this discourse. Thank you! Let me add that indeed, bullies are not born into this world. Bullies are raised. Show gratitude that your child is able to turn to you with a challenge and keep on encouraging her to do so whenever she has a problem with anyone, anywhere, anytime.

    Now, I know that it can be difficult to find compassion for a bully, particularly when your child is the target of one; there is generally a reason behind the bullying. That’s not to say that bullies should not face consequences. They should. And zero tolerance is the only way to truly eradicate bullying.
    It is the responsibility of adults (parents, guardians, teachers) to create safe environments for the children in their lives and to be good role-models by acting as their advocates in powerful and respectful ways.

    Being cruel or hurtful is not the first step to tackle a bullying situation. Rather, you want to emphasis to your child to act with awareness, calmness, respect and confidence. Teach her to set boundaries in dealing with aggressive or threatening behavior using a calm but clear voice, and polite, firm words- not whiney and not aggressive.

    Coach your child to look the person who is bullying in the eyes and speak in a firm voice with both hands in front of her body and palms facing outwards, like a wall, pull away and yell “NO!” or “STOP! Or “I don’t like that!” or “Get out of my way. I just want to go” etc really loudly while seeking an adult help as soon as possible. If the adult does nothing (like the attitude displayed by this teacher), assure your child it is not his or her fault, but to keep asking until someone does something to fix the problem- like intimating her parents like she did or another teacher, head of school etc.
    Polite firm words, body language and tone of voice even under pressure and not giving up when asking for help is a life-long skill.

    Fighting (physical self-defense) is a last resort – when you are about to be harmed and you cannot leave or get help. Children need to know when they have the right to hurt someone to stop that person from hurting them.

    Schools will often punish a child who fights back unless parents warn the school ahead that, since the school has not protected their children, they will back their children up if they have to fight.
    Learning physical self-defense helps most children become more confident, even if they never have to use these skills in a real-life situation. Just being more confident helps children to avoid being chosen as a victim most of the time.

    Coach Yinka

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